June 7, 2010
Our 30th Anniversary
On Tuesday, June 8, the mid-term election season begins in earnest, Stephen Strasburg makes his major league pitching debut with the Washington Nationals, and I begin my 30th year bound in blissful voluntary servitude to a woman who shall remain nameless.The nameless part is her choice: she insists that no one in their right mind would allow personal information to be used in a blog or on a Facebook page. Whatever. I’m herewith thanking her publicly anyway for the enormous contributions she’s made to my life.
To begin it all, she kidnaped me during an AFSCME convention in Anaheim, then forced me to drive to Tijuana and submit to nuptials presided over by someone named “Mr. Martin.”
After the wedding ceremony, she taught me how to drink Margaritas at the nearby Caesar Hotel, home of the Caesar Salad.
When my thoroughly unlikeable mother visited us for the first time, my nameless mate was so nice to mumsy there has never been a second visit.
She gently helped me quit smoking by saying, “If you don’t quit sucking on those filthy, stinking weeds, I am leaving you.”
When I tried to apologize for forgetting our first anniversary, she reminded me that “all women marry beneath themselves.”
She taught me that sexist remarks, like racist remarks, are determined to be so not by the remarker, but by the remarkee.
After we moved to Washington, she took over our checkbook, like totally.
When my second set of grandchildren (her first set) came along, she taught me that real men really do change diapers.
She insist that we keep lists, that we have a place for everything and everything in place, and that I pick up my own underwear.
When I complain about my work, my health, or my age, she always responds, “It’s really all about you, isn’t it?”
When I don’t complain, she rewards me by telling me I’m handsome, or that my hair looks nice, or that I’m looking very skinny.
She refuses to laugh at my thrice-told stories and jokes, but chuckles appreciatively when reading my pathetic attempts at creative writing.
All told, this nameless person lights my way, holds my hand, picks me up when I stumble, hardly ever calls me by my mother’s name, and serves up a feast of devotion every day. For my part, I sneakily offer up little side dishes of love, affection and hero worship, never enough, but enough to get me by.
My dearest, the past thirty years have been like catching fireflies in a jar, shaking them up, then letting them scoot back out to light up the night. Thank you for always reminding me to unscrew the lid.
Congratulations to both of you.
This comment reveals that I do read your blog.
All the best,
Ken Crowe
Thank you for sharing such a sweet story. All the best to you both.
it also reveals you can still read!
thanks!
my congratulations to you, my condolences to her..i am more interested in hearing her reasons for sticking with you for 30 years.
Congratulations to you both! I remember when you were newlyweds and blissful then, too.
you’ll have to ask her — thanks for the thought.
Great post and congrats!
congratulations to you and the unnamed woman who has taught you so much important stuff. she’s still with you because you are apparently teachable! xo
Dear Ray & Denise,
What a beautiful love story…it made us lol and contemplate our own relationship. What a true “life” story too…a marriage is not always shooting stars and fireworks
but whatever relationships are, and can be, you two have found the right mix!! Congrats on those 30 years and may you have another 30…yes it is possible as long as you continue to open that jar!! We just have one question…are you two really legal? Come on now, Tijuana?? Sounds more like a cover up for some other behavior…like sex drugs and rock and roll!! Is that the secret? Hugs to both, Victoria & David!!
legal schmegal. who cares.
I remember when Denise came into your life in Atlanta. Congrats to you both on making it to 30 years. This is a lovely tribute to her.
Congratulations. You would not have met a woman like this at Brice’s. I am enjoying your book.
Regards,
You’ve only just begun as the Captain sang. You two deserve and want to be with each other and it shows every time I’m around you. I know the next thirty will be as good for you both as the past 30. Very nice column Ray, but you raise the bar for all of us looking anniversaries in the face. How will we top your tribute. Love and hugs to both of you!
Mickey D.
Whoo Hhoo, this is indeed newsworthy. Love to you both xo
Congratulations, Ray! What a lovely tribute to your sweetie — it brought a big smile to my face.
Best,
Ayumi
Congrats Uncle Ray! I’m very happy for you. Take care.
Brett